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October 26, 2011

I taught myself how to grow old.

Lyrica is Pregabalin.Pregabalin is described chemically as (S)-3-(aminomethyl)-5-methylhexanoic acid.
WELLBUTRIN XL (bupropion hydrochloride) Is an antidepressant .
Sulindac is an anti-inflamitory.
I have all these chemicals crashing through my body, and blood. Doing what they are made to do, but reaking tiny havoc as they go. When I sweat now, I smell like a pharmacy. My skin is splotchy and dry, I swell randomly, but I can't live without these: Especially the Lyrica, which at 300 MG is a steaming pile of fucky side effects.
Atone point, not too long ago, I was a food purist. No chemicals in my body, none in my food. no meat. I took bottle after bottle of Exedrin for pain it couldn't fix, but I would go on fasts from it, down organic cider vinagar, eat nothing but juiced green veggies and fruit for weeks. I felt ALIVE.
I'd love to go do that now, and just purge all this chemical hell from my body, but I can't. I need them now, so I'm trying to accept them as part of my life.
I'd fallen apart for a while. I was always so strong physically. I was always a little cocky, tan and knew I had beautiful arms, strong legs, that i could kick your ass and you'd still want to fuck me.
Well, fuck if I'm going to let this shit, these chemicals, this disease, even the exhaustion that come with it rob me of ME.
I will work out. I will lift. I will sweat these poisons out and be STrONG like the oak huge tree on my chest, the indelible mark I have on my body to remind me of what I am, what I believe in, The person(s) pushing me to be strong. I will work harder, be positive.
even when it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm going to keep digging, I'm going to keep trying to do right and make up for what's gone before, just because that's who I am.

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