The anger that comes with realizing that you can't do what your brain wants to the way you used to is pure, glass shattering rage. I turn into a pumpkin after 8pm, but force myself to go out, because to not looks weak. I'm having a difficult time adjusting to living with MS. I'm exactly the same on the inside,but the pain makes this different, the pain, the bladder issues, my left side acting like a cocksucker. I AM SO ANGRY.
I will be myself, I will Improve. I will not just live in four walls and socially starve myself, but I'll learn how to not overdo it, and how to tell people that I can't stay out till 3 AM anymore because it's hard to do that when I take meds and get up at 7. I also need to know how to tell others I'm not made out of glass, and that ultimately, I am going to do what feel right to me, because I have to trust my body.
Anger solves nothing. I a have to be learn to be soft and let go and still be strong.
Not profound yet, sorry. Not enough coffee yet.
On another note, I seem to have lost my iPod, and I'm gonna be thrilled when I get the stuff of mine that my Ex sent me (supposedly) from Portland. It's going to start being chilly in the morning, and I want jeans.. plus, It'd be nice to have more than 2 outfit choices . Agh.
In closing, I'd like to add a simple FUCK YOU to a certain someone who thought it was any way acceptable to tell a person with a chronic illness and pain disorder to "Suck it up" stop wallowing" not "be a baby about it" and "Get over it". You're a bitch, Kiddo. Nothings gonna change that. I have more balls than you ever will.