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September 20, 2011

simple kind of life..

The anger that comes with realizing that you can't do what your brain wants to the way you used to is pure, glass shattering rage. I turn into a pumpkin after 8pm, but force myself to go out, because to not looks weak. I'm having a difficult time adjusting to living with MS. I'm exactly the same on the inside,but the pain makes this different, the pain, the bladder issues, my left side acting like a cocksucker. I AM SO ANGRY.
I will be myself, I will Improve. I will not just live in four walls and socially starve myself, but I'll learn how to not overdo it, and how to tell people that I can't stay out till 3 AM anymore because it's hard to do that when I take meds and get up at 7. I also need to know how to tell others I'm not made out of glass, and that ultimately, I am going to do what feel right to me, because I have to trust my body.
Anger solves nothing. I a have to be learn to be soft and let go and still be strong.
Not profound yet, sorry. Not enough coffee yet.

On another note, I seem to have lost my iPod, and I'm gonna be thrilled when I get the stuff of mine that my Ex sent me (supposedly) from Portland. It's going to start being chilly in the morning, and I want jeans.. plus, It'd be nice to have more than 2 outfit choices . Agh.

In closing, I'd like to add a simple FUCK YOU to a certain someone who thought it was any way acceptable to tell a person with a chronic illness and pain disorder to "Suck it up" stop wallowing" not "be a baby about it" and "Get over it". You're a bitch, Kiddo. Nothings gonna change that. I have more balls than you ever will.

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