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December 28, 2009

थिस पस्त इयर....

Portland seems to be the land of the Tragically Hip and White.
I need a Drink.
Powell's needs a bar.
I need a bar.
As much as i give Portland crap about it's Prius /smartcar fixation,The guilt i feel about all of the bikers, and the fact that i DON"T bike,and it's occupants penchant for plaid, clogs, and wool hats, It's a very good place to a non-standard woman in her mid-twenties.
Which brings me to the point of this note/ blog thingy.
My Year.
my brain is wired in such a way that my "Years" fun from Autumn to Autumn.it''s always been that way.Winter pissed me off. maybe that's why.maybe its that Autumn ,is the big, colorful change that no other season can replicate, and that's how i see my life. anyway.
I originally wrote this note in a notebook at Powells bookstore in a and more of this note in Marathon Taverna, while txting an old friend who was on his way home from the doctor after a "vehicular entanglement". Talking to him, i started to realize I've (this year) started taking cues from 6 years ago me.
Mind you, six years ago me was a bit of a nut, and WAY to skinny and poor, but ballsy.and open.and experimental.
It's the last 3 things that I'm talking about.
Last year was, in a word, crap. Our roomates were, at best..not the best,we moved 3 times,we were poor, and i was very confused as to what,where, and who i wanted to be. Being the working partner of a grad student makes one a little nuts.To say the very fucking least.
I went back to Missouri in August, because i HAD TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Missouri is NOT awesome, but it contains some awesome people.So i went to see a few of them. For me the best way to see something differently, and I did.This was good. speaking of MO. , the best way to feel better about where you live, and who you are is to go to Branson,Mo.really. that place reeks of neon and failure.
Anyhoo, I came back and started to do things differently.
Enough surmizing. here's some crap i did, saw,and didn't do this year.I wander verbally. I cannot segue.but, fuck you, it's my damned blog, so, there.
THIS YEAR I...............
1. got stuck in my duplex driveway for a week, due to Portlands 3 feet of january snow. AKA "snowpocalypse., and walked 3 mile to buy a Christmas present, because what i wanted was on sale.

2. I worked for a week in a store with NO heat.

3.I reconnected with my Sister, whom, as it turns out is one amazing,smart kid. and a hot mama at that. She ain't Heavy!

4.I saw an Otter felate itself at the zoo in front of a group of school kids. I think it may have ruined me.

5. I cut back the smoking. ALOT. I did quit for a while, but fuck that.

6. My Ueterus tried to kill me a few times.That was no fun.but, in the end, I showed it what for. Take THAT baby maker!!

7. We finally found housemates that are not only tolerable but pretty cool. Living in a basement painted like a bomb shelter is a small price to pay for not living with crazies, racists,or hellspawned motherfuckers.. About goddamn time!

8.I made, reconnected with,and visited some really good friends.I know some really bad-ass people.You should be jealous.

9. The old Buick I've had for years got impounded. My lip-gloss was in there. That sucks.I now drive a suburban. How sexy is that? That was NOT a real question. Shut up.

10. Swayze,Farrah,Michael, and That Really Loud Oxyclean Guy all bit it. Fuck the rest of them, but i DID watch Road house in memory of The Swayze. Also. Ever seen Steel dawn? go. do. i command it. Bad movie, Good Swayze.

11. All people old people are vaugely,unpredictably, insane. if I can extrapolate based on my year(+) of personal experience, roughly 60 percent of the elderly HATE YOU. Call me an age-ist. I care not.

12.I got married, In August, in Texas. My In-laws are awesome,and my totally awesome friends made the whole short notice, on a budget affair livable.I hated my dress. I still do not understand how the damned thing mad me look fat, but, it did. Fuck that dress. Married life, as of just yet, is just the same as NOT married life, aside from the pesky name-change biz-nas. Which, given my life, I'm used to.

13. Other assorted, tawdry things happened this year. A priveleged few know, and you aren't one of them. make something up in your head. The truth will still be cooler.

14. I almost forgot.I was given a cat for my somewhat traumatic 25th " I fell out of my mom's vag."day.
he is, I am sure, a personality cross between a crazed squirrel,an ottoman,and me.And he pees in my Nike's.

I rambled. I'm out of juice. many, many more things happened this year, and I'd love to be profound,however,5 people are talking at me, I'm drinking, and i have to pee.

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